What is a Cuddle Party?
Exploring the Boundaries of Safe Touch in a Controlled Environment
Oct 15, 2009
Human touch is vital to the health and well-being of humans, yet in a technology-based society, people have lost much of the daily physical contact and relationships that were once taken for granted. Therefore many people may find that they are missing that human contact, interaction and basic affection. People may also have found that their experience with touch has been more negative than positive, leaving people afraid of physical contact with another person. This has led to the development of the cuddle party.
What is a Cuddle Party?
First conceived in February 2004 by relationship coaches Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, this playful social event is a drug-free and alcohol-free way to meet people in a relaxing environment. It is a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women.
This three-and-a-half hour workshop allows people to explore human touch comfortably and in a non-threatening way.
How Does a Cuddle Party Work?
A cuddle party begins by people arriving, signing in, and changing (privately) into a comfortable pair of pajamas. Each event is run by certified facilitators or "cuddle lifeguards" who lead the group throughout the session. The event starts with a 45-minute "welcome circle" where the boundaries and rules are clearly laid out for the workshop. This is followed by a variety of ice breakers or get to know you games, to enable the group to become more comfortable with each other and practice communication skills.
One of the first exercises that are done is to practice saying "no;" one of the cuddle party rules is that a person must ask another person for permission before initiating touch. Partners turn to each other and ask them if they can kiss them. Partner B must look Partner A in the eye and say "no," regardless of if they want to be kissed or not. This helps people become comfortable with saying "no," without the fear of rejection or hurting someone's feelings. After the welcome circle, most people are surprised by how comfortable they feel, and are ready to move on to the next step.
Following the welcome circle, cuddle party participants take part in two hours of self-directed connection. Music and munchies are provided and the cuddling begins.
This is the time where people ask for what they want, say "yes" and "no" to requests or invitations and to cuddle according to personal desires and comforts. Cuddling happens in groups or one on one. It can be feet against feet, full body hugs, head rubs, spooning or simply talking with another person without any touch at all. All of these things start a connection with another person. A person must be asked for permission before touching another person and must receive a verbal "yes" before initiating contact. If the answer is "maybe," then participants must adhere to one of the twelve cuddle party rules – say "no," until the answer is 100% "yes."
Throughout the event, the cuddle lifeguards participate with the group, but are also there to ensure the event flows, in addition to offering support, answering questions and addressing concerns. They want participants to feel relaxed so that each person can get the most out of the experience.
The event wraps up with a "closing circle" or debrief, where the cuddle lifeguards instill in the group closing thoughts, and allow participants an opportunity to share thoughts with the group as well.
Benefits of Attending a Cuddle Party
Attending a cuddle party leaves people feeling very relaxed, touched, open, valued and nurtured. It creates a social network for people, while learning how to create strong boundaries for self without shutting others down. It is an opportunity for bonding, communicating and experiencing safe touch; some consider cuddle parties a form of touch therapy. Some people leave the party and go around the corner to continue their conversations over coffee or a bite, while others may simply go home. Some exchange hugs, while others exchange phone numbers.
Rejuvenating Safe Human Touch
Cuddle Parties are becoming very popular and are taking place all across the United States, Canada, Australia, London, England and Denmark. A cuddle party is great opportunity to experience safe touch and re-establish the human touch connection.
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